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Joke Archives |
Rated |
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Balls |
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'Twas the night before Christmas - old Santa was pissed!
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
"Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks,
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!"
"I've busted my butt for damn near a year,
But instead of 'Thanks, Santa', what do I hear?
The old lady bitches 'cause I work late at night,
The elves want more money and the reindeer all fight."
Those $%#holes from the IRS sent me a letter."
"They say I owe taxes - if that ain't funny!
Who ever sent Santa Claus any money?
And the kids these days - they're all the pits!
They want the impossible...those mean little $%#ts."
"I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds,
Assembling dolls...their arms, legs and heads.
I made a ton of yo-yos - no request for them...
They want computers and robots...they think I'm IBM!"
"If you think that's bad, just picture this -
Try holding those brats with their pants full of p%$$!
They pull on my nose, they grab at my beard,
And if I don't smile, the parents think I'm weird."
"Flying through the air, dodging the trees,
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees,
I'm quitting this job...there's just no enjoyment,
I'll sit on my fat but and draw unemployment."
"There's no Christmas this year...
Now you know the reason.
I'm going to go south for the season!"
     
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