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In-class Assignment for Wednesday: "Today we will experiment
with a new form called the tandem story. The process is
simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to
his or her immediate right.
One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short
story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add
another paragraph to the story.
The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on
back and forth. Remember to re-read what has been written
each time in order to keep the story coherent. The story is
over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.
"The following was actually turned in by two students:
Rebecca, and Gary."
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STORY: (first paragraph by Rebecca) At first, Laurie couldn't
decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which
used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier
times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at
all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was
suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma
started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the
question.
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Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important
things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed
asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one
sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17,"
he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit
established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he
could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere
and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt
from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and
across the cockpit.
---------------------------------------------------------
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not
before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically
brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him.
Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities
towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes
Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read
in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited
her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her
youth-when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with
no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her
sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around
her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?"
she pondered wistfully.
--------------------------------------------------------
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to
live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian
mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles.
The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral
Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through Congress had left Earth
a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after
the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course
for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire
planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated
their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the
atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile
submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of
Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion which
vaporized Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The
President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't
allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty!
Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
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This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of
literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic,
semi-literate adolescent.
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Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose
attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
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Asshole.
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Bitch.
     
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