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BASIC RULES FOR DRIVING IN (your town goes here...)
1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real
driver never uses them.
2. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance
between you and the car in front of you, or somebody else
will fill in that space putting you in an even more dangerous
situation.
3. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is
considered "going with the flow."
4. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller
the chance you have of getting hit.
5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs
extensive bodywork. The other guy doesn't have anything to
lose.
6. Braking is to be done as hard and as late as possible to
ensure that your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot
massage as the brake pedal pulsates. For those of you without
ABS, it's a chance to stretch your legs.
7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as
suggestions and are apparently not enforceable in the metro
area during rush hour.
8. Please remember that there is no such thing as a
shortcut during rush-hour traffic.
9. Always slow down and rubber-neck when you see an
accident or even someone changing a tire.
10. Everybody thinks their vehicle is better than yours,
especially 4WD drivers.
11 It is traditional to honk your horn at cars that don't
move the instant the light changes.
12. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your
right of way.
13. Never take a green light at face value. Always look
right and left before proceeding.
14. Remember that the goal of every driver is to get there
first, by whatever means necessary.
15. Real women drivers can put on pantyhose and apply eye
makeup at 75 mph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
16. Real men drivers can remove pantyhose and a bra at 75
mph in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
17. Heavy fog and rain are no reasons to change any of the
previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's
way ensuring a natural selection process for body shops,
junkyards, and new vehicle sales.
18. There is a common held belief that highspeed tailgating
in heavy traffic reduces petrol consumption as you get sucked
along in the slipstream of the car in front. This is true.
19. It's OK to cut off fully loaded semi-trailers, road
trains and buses because they have brakes.
20. Always anticipate oncoming traffic while driving down a
one way street.
21. It's O.K when driving in suburbs to air your grievances
at bad drivers by giving the "one finger salute" while
screaming out "ar#ehole". But it is imperative you are
driving a turbo charged 5 litre V8 with a crow bar in your
lap.
     
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