|
|
Joke Archives |
Rated |
|
Balls |
|
BEFORE & AFTER CHILDREN...
Before children: I was thankful to have been born in the USA,
the most powerful free democracy in the world.
After Children: I am thankful for Velcro tennis shoes. As
well as saving valuable time, now I can hear the sound of my
son taking off his shoes -- which gives me three extra
seconds to activate the safety locks on the back seat windows
right before he hurls them out of the car and onto the
freeway.
Before children: I was thankful for the recycling program
which will preserve our natural resources and prevent the
overloading of landfills.
After children: I am thankful for swim diapers because every
time my son wanders into water in plain disposables, he ends
up wearing a blimp the size of, say, New Jersey, on his
bottom.
Before children: I was thankful for fresh, organic
vegetables.
After children: I am thankful for microwaveable macaroni and
cheese -- without which my children would be surviving on
about three bites of cereal and their own spit.
Before children: I was thankful for the opportunity to obtain
a college education and have a higher quality of life than my
ancestors.
After children: I am thankful to finish a complete thought
without being interrupted.
Before children: I was thankful for holistic medicince and
natural herbs.
After children: I am thankful for pediatric cough syrup
guaranteed to "cause drowsiness" in young children.
Before children: I was thankful for all of the teachers who
had taught, encouraged and nurtured me throughout my
formative years.
After children: I am thankful for all of the people at Weight
Watcher who let me strip down to pantyhouse and a
strategically placed scarf before getting on the scale each
week.
Before children: I was thankful for the opportunity to
vacation in exotic foreign countries so I could experience a
different way of life in a new culture.
After children: I am thankful to have time to make it all the
way down the driveway to get the mail.
Before children: I was thankful for the Moosewood Vegetarian
cookbook.
After children: I am thankful for the butterball turkey
hotline.
Before children: I was thankful for a warm, cozy home to
share with my loved ones.
After children: I am thankful for the lock on the bathroom
door.
Before children: I was thankful for material objects like
custom furniture, a nice car and trendy clothes.
After children: I am thankful when the baby spits up and
misses my good shoes.
Before children: I was thankful for my wonderful family
After children: I am thankful for my wonderful family.
     
|
|
|
