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Balls

How To Shower Like A Woman:

Take off clothing and place it in sectional hamper according to
lights and dark.

Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along
the way, cover up any exposed flesh and run to bathroom.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your
gut so you can complain and whine about how fat you are
getting.

Get in the shower. Look for face, arm and leg cloth, long
loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and lamprey shampoo with 83
added vitamins.

Wash your hair again with cucumber and lamprey shampoo with 83
added vitamins.

Condition your hair with cucumber and lamprey conditioner
enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.

Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10
minutes.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body
wash.

Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least 15 minutes as
you must make sure it all comes off).

Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area, but
decide to get it waxed instead.

Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and you have no water
pressure.

Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with
tilex.

Get out of shower. Dry with towel size of small african
country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

Check entire body for remotest sign of zit. Attack with nails
and tweezers if found.

Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas
and rush to bedroom and then spend a hour and a half dressing.