How To Shower Like A Man (not for the easily offended):
Take off clothes while sitting on edge of bed and leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way, shake your privates at her making the "woo" sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have any pecs (no), scratch your privates and smell your fingers for one last whiff.
Get in the shower.
Don't bother to look for washcloth (you don't use one).
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower. Wait and then smell...
Wash your private parts and surrounding area, leaving hair on the bar of soap.
Shampoo (do not use conditioner). Make a shampoo mohawk.
Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
Pee (in the shower).
Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on floor because you left the curtain hanging out of tub the whole time.
Partially dry off.
Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles.
Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on floor.
Leave bathroom fan and light on.
Return to bedroom with towel wrapped around your waist. If you pass wife along the way, pull off your towel and shake your privates at her making the "woo" sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.
