The Justice Department will demand a Microsoft Corp. breakup into separate companies as a condition of an out-of-court settlement. Anticipating these demands, Microsoft is secretly organizing a Personal Hygiene Division. Sources close to the case tell us that Bill Gates is deeply involved in the marketing strategies for these new products:
Microsoft BACKOFFICE laxative suppositories ...where do you want to go today?
Microsoft ACCESS condoms ...for safe, secure downloads at any speed.
The Microsoft EXPLORER line of women's erotica ...the stuff dreams are made of.
Microsoft POWERPOINT tampons ...for those spotless presentations.
The Microsoft WORKS douche ...to give that tired old server a fresh start.
The Microsoft WINDOWS 2000 diaphragm ...as reliable as our software
