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Joke Archives |
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Dear Mother and Dad:
It has been three months since I left for college. I have
been remiss in writing and I am very sorry for my
thoughtlessness in not having written before. I will bring
you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down.
You are not to read any further unless you are sitting down,
okay.
Well then, I am getting along pretty well now. The skull
fracture and the concussion I got when I jumped out of the
window of my dormitory when it caught fire shortly after my
arrival are pretty well healed by now. I only spent two weeks
in the hospital and now I can see almost normally and only
get those headaches once a day.
Fortunately, the fire in the dormitory and my jump was
witnessed by an attendant at the gas station near the dorm,
and he was the one who called the Fire Dept. and the
ambulance. He also visited me at the hospital and since I had
nowhere to live because of the burnt out dormitory, he was
kind enough to invite me to share his apartment with him.
It's really a basement room, but it's kind of cute. He is a
very fine boy and we have fallen deeply in love and are
planning to get married. We haven't set the exact date yet,
but it will be before my pregnancy begins to show.
Yes, mother and dad, I am pregnant. I know how very much you
are looking forward to being grandparents and I know you will
welcome the baby and give it the same love and devotion and
tender care you gave me when I was a child. The reason for
the delay in our marriage is that my boyfriend has some minor
infection which prevents us from passing our premarital blood
tests and I carelessly caught it from him. This will soon
clear up with the penicillin injections I am now taking
daily.
I know you will welcome him into the family with open arms.
He is kind and although not well educated, he is ambitious.
Although he is of a different race and religion than ours, I
know that your oft-expressed tolerance will not permit you to
be bothered by the fact that his skin color is somewhat
darker than ours. I am sure you will love him as I do.
Now that I have brought you up to date, I want to tell you
there was no dormitory fire; I did not have a concussion or a
skull fracture; I was not in
the hospital; I am not pregnant; I am not engaged. I do not
have syphillis, and there is no man in my life. However, I am
getting a D in sociology and
an F in science; and I wanted you to see these marks in
proper perspective.
Your loving daughter,
     
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