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A FEW ONE LINERS FROM "LarryJ"
Define Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be
Mary!
Just think, in a few million years Barney will be motor oil.
Never trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is if
you're in the bathroom.
It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of
course, there's shipping and handling, too.
A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the
impression he just cleaned the whole house.
My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.
The only thing wrong with a perfect drive to work is that you
end up at work.
Americans are getting stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two
people to carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a
five-year-old can do it.
Sally told her friend, "I was worried that my mechanic might
try to rip me off, so I was relieved when he told me all I
needed was blinker fluid."
Why is a government worker like a shotgun without a firing
pin? It won't work and you can't fire it.
A neighbor of mine was bit by a stray rabid dog. I went to
see how he was and found him writing furiously. I told him
rabies could be cured and he didn't have to worry about a
will. He said, "Will, what will? I'm making a list of
people I'm gonna bite."
     
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