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Joke Archives |
Rated |
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Balls |
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Tired of being constantly broke and stuck in an unhappy
marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by
taking out a large insurance policy on his wife (with himself
as the beneficiary), and arranging to have her killed.
A "friend of a friend" put him in touch with a nefarious
underworld figure, who went by the name of "Artie." Artie
explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing
out a spouse was $5,000. The husband said he was willing to
pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand
until he could collect his wife's insurance money.
Artie insisted on being paid SOMETHING up front. The man
opened up his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that
rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, and reluctantly
agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty
deed.
A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local
Safeway grocery store. There, he surprised her in the produce
department, and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved
hands. As the poor woman drew her last breath, and slumped to
the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled
unexpectedly onto the scene.
Unwilling to leave any witnesses behind, Artie had no choice
but to strangle the produce manager as well.
Unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by
hidden cameras and observed by the store's security guard,
who immediately called the police.
Artie was caught and arrested before he could leave the
store. Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie
revealed the sordid plan, including his financial
arrangements with the hapless husband.
And that is why, the next day in the newspaper, the headline
declared,
Artie chokes two for a dollar at safeway.
     
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