I used to be an airline pilot. I got fired because I kept locking the keys in the plane. They caught me on an 80 foot stepladder with a coathanger.
One night a jet flew a little bit too close to my house. I was walking from the living room to the kitchen, and the stewardess told me to sit down.
When I go, I'm flying Air Bizarre. It's a good airline. You buy a one way round trip ticket. You leave any Monday, and they bring you back the previous Friday... That way you still have the weekend.
