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Advice column about pregnancy....
Q. Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears
boxers rather than briefs?
A. Yes, but you'll have an even better chance if he doesn't
wear anything at all.
Q. What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I
got pregnant?
A. Have sex once a year.
Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q. My blood type is O-positive and my husband's is
A-negative. What if my baby is born, say, type AB-positive?
A. Then the jig is up.
Q. My husband and I are very attractive. I'm sure our baby
will be beautiful enough for commercials. Whom should I
contact about this?
A. Your therapist.
Q. I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it's the flu, you'll get better.
Q. My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose,
and genes for big noses are dominant, my baby will have a
big nose as well. Is this true?
A. The odds are greater that your brother will have a fat lip.
Q. Since I became pregnant, My breasts, rear end, and even
my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller
during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.
Q. Ever since I've been pregnant, I haven't been able to
go to bed at night without onion rings. Is this a normal
craving?
A. Depends on what you're doing with them.
Q. The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile
at me. Why?
A. Cause you're fatter then they are.
Q. My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that
sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A. So what's your question, dipshit?
Q. Will I love my dog less when the baby is born?
A. No, but your husband might get on your nerves.
Q. Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy
bring on labor?
A. When the sex is between your husband and another woman.
Q. What's the difference between a nine-months pregnant woman
and a Playboy centerfold?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's
good for him.
     
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