Apostasy-- The difficult process of giving up one set of beliefs for another--such as switching from Leno to Letterman.
Act of Faith--An action that shows a person's belief that an event will occur--such as when a guy cleans his bedroom before a big date.
Arc of the Covenant--The trajectory of the tablets when Moses threw them down the mountain.
Asceticism--Living a pure, virtuous life - and then dying of boredom.
Blessed Virgin--The phrase Joseph muttered himself to sleep with.
Blessing--A prayer preceding an event that grants God's grace and releases Him from any liability.
Burning bush--What the Israelites thought Moses had been smoking when he said he spoke with God.
Calvin, John--The man who championed the theory of predestination--whether he wanted to or not.
Corona--The goofy haircut some monks receive to ensure their vow of chastity.
Ecumenical Council-- Where all those "a priest, a rabbi, and a minister" jokes get started. Ecumenical prayer service--When Christians of various denominations get together and confuse the heck out of God.
Incense--Holy smoke.
Inquisition--A tough *final* exam.
Joseph of Arimathea-- An undertaker who doubled his money by selling Christ a tomb for only three days.
Obedience--The vow of "monk he see, monk he do."
Offering--A sacrifice unto God - hangovers don't count.
Pew--1. A medieval torture device still found in Catholic Churches. 2. A real pain in the Mass.
Ushers--The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.
Vatican City--The only country that will never win an Olympic luge medal.
Virgin birth--Paying the fiddler without getting to dance.
Virginity--What cannot be refunded once a deposit is made.
Vulgate--The version of the Bible that Spock reads.
