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Joke Archives |
Rated |
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Balls |
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Understanding Jerry Speak:
"I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING"
Translated:* "There is no rational thought pattern connected with
it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Translated:* "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"YA,BABE" "SURE, SWEETY," OR "YES, DEAR"
Translated:* Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"I AM A PROFESSIONAL"
Translated:* "I have no idea how it works."
"TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD."
Translated:* "I can't hear the TV over the vacuum cleaner."
"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Translated:* "Are you still talking?"
"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Translated:* "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop,' the address
of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle identification
numbers of every car I've ever owned... but I forgot your birthday."
"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF. IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Translated:* "I have actually severed a limb but will bleed to
death before I admit that I'm hurt."
"HEY,TRUST ME."
Translated:* "And I sure hope I think it some pretty soon."
"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Translated:* "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm
completely clueless."
"WHAT'S WRONG?"
Translated:* "What did you catch me at?"
"I UNDERSTAND."
Translated:* "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said and am
hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't
spend the next three days yelling at me."
"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Translated:* "I am used to the way you yell at me and realize it
could be worse."
"DON'T ASK ME, I AM NOT THE VISUAL."
Translated:* "Oh, p-lease don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Translated:* "I make the messes; she cleans them up."
     
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