I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde. -Dolly Parton
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labour for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. -Rita Rudner
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. -Rita Rudner
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. -Erma Bombeck
If high heels were so wonderful, men would be wearing them. -Sue Grafton
I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr
I think-therefore I'm single. -Lizz Winstead
When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. -Elayne Boosler
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson
I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch. -Gilda Radner
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher
If I were going to convert to any religion I would probably choose Catholicism because it at least has female saints and the Virgin Mary. -Margaret Atwood
I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -Gloria Steinhem
Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry. -Gloria Steinhem
I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. -Marie Corelli
If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck? -Linda Ellerbee
I am a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor
